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When you think you are right,
Step back and take a look around.
You could be the only person thinking.
When you feel maligned,
Step back and take a look around
You could be the real cause of it.
When you feel unloved,
Step back and take a look around.
You could be barrier that stops love.
When you feel upset,
Step back and take a look around.
You might just be the one stopping happiness.
Self-denial = Pride = a feeling of self-worth
Pride stops us from accepting the truth. But as a guy. Should Pride matter most to us? Or succumb ourselves to the pressures of society and in the process give up our Pride till we have nothing left.
Its a fine balance. Keeping Pride (as a benchmark of self-worth) VS Giving it up. Which side would you choose?
Society condemns men for their ego and Pride. But without these few qualities, are we still accepted as Men? Should we, for the sake of societal pressures, give up the only quality that makes us who we are. Our steadfastness, decisiveness and Courage? But yet, it is this same quality that we are often said to be full of that spoils relationships, friendships and contacts. So, its rather ambiguous, no?
So should we keep it? or Discard it?
*
Time for a change in my lifestyle.
I think i have rested enough for these past few months.
Seeing my army friends holding down jobs and earning a respectable keep
is a good wake up call.
A Guy must have a reason in life to improve himself. If not..
he will just be a wallpaper in society.
Pretty, but of what use?
*
No longer a time to be picky or choosy, just take a job and live with it.
Get on with life. No more procrastinating. Enough rest for now. =)
enough...enough....
*
You know sometimes when people say that it is good to be optimistic?
That being optimistic is good for one's development?
But what If...just for a second, ponder over this.
What if being too overly optimistic is in fact a bad thing? Simply because,
by being overly optimistic, we often gloss over unhappiness and refuse to accept
that things may not always work out. But in truth. There is always a 50-50
chance of an event swinging both ways. That is of course unless you administer
a bias or a deliberate effort to tip the scales. It blurs us from reality...sort of.
But being optimistic all the time, is in fact tiring, because I have to simply
place alot of mental blocks and mental diversions. Force myself to think positive
and force myself to reject negative thoughts. It is a tiring process for those who
know.
Perhaps it is my own innate protection mechanism. I do it to prevent myself from
falling too hard. But when reality strikes and no amount of energy can divert
all my sadness, insecurities or anger into positive energy.
I break down and cry.
*
Its really a paradox when one says that an optimist does not cry. Optimists do cry.
But the tears are hidden for a very simple fact.
Optimists do not like showing weaknesses, not as a show of pride or ego.
But rather, Its like how we would rather
embrace happiness than sadness.
We prefer our sadness to be under wraps.
Alas, our strong point is also our weakness.
*
Did some thinking just now. About my direction i'm heading in life. My conclusion?
I'm in a total complete mess. As of now, ever since i left the army. I've lost all
direction. I've lost that drive (sad to say) that held me up in the Army.
Its like, i'm now a boat floating without oars or paddles. Just waiting to be swayed
by the currents.
I did badly in my A levels and so now, i have to do a course in Uni that i have
no interest in.
I no longer have the aspirations to join the Army as i did not become an Officer.
I'm still jobless and living off my parents (pathetic huh).
Many people often think that i'm Ok with everything. But i'm not.
I'm just as affected as everyone else. I just do not show it. How can i be honest
with people i love when to begin with, i cannot be honest with myself?
Accepting my current state?
Where is that Alan who worked his ass off in the army? Where is he?
His body needs his soul back.
*
I'm living day to day, minute to minute.
I need to get my life back on track before
it is too late.
I must. I have to. I Will.
*
Hope i will feel better about myself tomorrow.
Its another day and i want to accomplish things which have been on hold till now.
No more procrastinating.
Labels: General
Alan gagged and reeled at
2:25 AM
4 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
