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Don't love you no more (i'm sorry)
Craig David
For all the years that I’ve known you baby
I can’t figure out the reason why lately
you’ve been acting so cold (didn’t you say)
if there’s a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don’t want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I’m sick and tired of this silly games(silly games)
don’t think that I’m the only one here to blame
it’s not me who’s been going round slamming doors
That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more
Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more
I know that I’ve made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn’t make sense to me now that you’re gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That’s when you turned and said to me
I don’t care babe who’s right or wrong
I just don’t love you no more
Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more
Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don’t love you no more
Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more.
Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you’re gone, my fault, I’m sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it’s too late to turn it around
I’m sorry for the tears I’ve made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don’t love you no more
*
OOO, lurve this song.
Alan gagged and reeled at
12:26 PM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
What an experience, going for field camp as an instructor rather than a recruit. Thinking back it was only more than a year ago that i had my first taste of life living out in the field. The daily camo-ons, the daily applications of the insect repellent, eating from the combat rations etc. Looking at the recruits makes me think back on how much i have grown int he army, from being a total blur-flip chao recruits to that of a commander than has that little something extra to share with them, i feel that i have indeed learned alot in the past 1 year.
I would say the recruits really had it hard this time around for field camp. As opposed to mine during my BMT days in BMTC, the emphasis here is more on combat 
endurance rather than experience. True, for many of time it thier first time living and roughing it out in the fields, but for us, we take a different appraoch. We still try to let them learn as much as possible. In fact we teach them more than what is required. But the fact that they will go straight into the Guards formation after thier BMT means that they must have the endurance, tenacity and spirit of a Guardsman. Compared to the normal Infantry BMT, they are put through a bigger challenge. For example, BMTC recruits will never dig their shellscrapes a night, but my recruits had to dig theirs through the night (it makes more sense as we often dig only at night). I would say this field camp has been a very tough and challenging one for them.
True that many cried, many suffered, many people broke down, especially in the night when they had to dig thier shellscrapes before they were allowed to rest, the many leopard crawls, many pumping, many crunches that they did, but through it all, they endured and they persevered. They held on, overcame and accomplished. Accomplished something that for a first time outfielder, is a major accomplishment.
I as an instructor felt very proud of them, felt proud when i saw them never giving up, encouraging eachother to press on, giving thier best even when they were overcome with lethergy and tiredness. But i feel, that to give them one hard one in the beginning will prime them better when they turn operational later this year. It must only be through this way that they know how high the stahndard is and that it is indeed within reach.
I'm proud, so very proud of them. Proud not because they did it, but because they emcompassed the spirit of a victor, they persevered, they had integrity and they held their head up high, even in the total face of tiredness, they held on. I respect them for being able to take it and i respect them for never giving up.
I'm proud, so very proud of them.
=D
And when we left Singapore Ferry Terminal en route back to camp, i witnessed an incident that left a deep impression on me. My guys were walking out of the terminal when they saw a big group of BMTC recruits. The recruits had that face of awe for them and when one of them asked if my guys were from Commandos, they denied and said with pride in their voices "No, we are from 1 Guards". Immediately, the faces of the BMTC recruits changed and my recruits held their heads even higher. The told me in the bus that that sense of pride was only because they know that they are indeed different.
*
I took some pictures of my recruit's field camp to share.
It was only more than a year ago that i came to Tekong for field camp as a recruit, now i'm an instructor, teaching my own men the life of a soldier outfield.
The recruits having a lesson outfield.
Some of my Platoon men.
The campsite : Permatang Seaview Hotel.
Nice view of the sunbeams. This effect was because we popped a smoke grenade for demonstration.
Me giving a demonstration on Group Battle Tactics.
Two of my recruits : Rec Farihin and Rec Rohaizad
The wonderful Tekong Sea View.
Contacted!
The army makes leaders out of men.
Ditto...
Nice view eh?
The shellscrape i dug for demonstration purposes. I like this pic very much. =D
The first of many shellscrapes that they are gonna dig.
Covering it up, only to dig again.
The long march back to the tekong ferry terminal
Passed by the old SISPEC. The Spec tower.
More than a year ago, i slept on this bed as a recruit. Cannot believe that it is still the way i remember it to be. I miss my recruit days. Hahaha
*
Thats about it. I think i've uploaded alot of pictures already. Gonna go down Si Lim later to upgrade my PSP. =D Buy new games =D
Hehehe.
Hullo everyone, this is 12Alpha, last message over.
Roger that.
Out.
Labels: NS
Alan gagged and reeled at
8:27 AM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Yay!
I've finally POP-ed from the Advanced Specialist Training Wing as a Platoon Sergeant Trained Specialist of the Singapore Armed Forces.
=D
*
Finally went back to Bedok camp yesterday, didn't get to see my recruits because they were having range. Will be seeing them either tonight or tomorrow when they go for their first outfield lesson on camoflage and the likes. =)
*
Hmm, yea, the PS course is by far one of the most enjoyable courses i've attended. It has helped me a great deal in terms of my knowledge in the roles and responsibilities of a PS, but most importantly, it is through this course that i've been able to meet many new friends from other units and vocations. BMTC, Infantry, ADF, FDS....people from units whom i'll hardly get a chance to get in contact with. Really Glad i got to know them. =)
Knowing the NSman were a great bonus as well.
*
Gonna watch a movie l8r
Labels: NS
Alan gagged and reeled at
1:55 PM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Introducing
Click here to view it! - www.clustrmaps.com
It is a cool new way to put a counter on your blog. Instead of showing quantum numbers, it shows "dots" that not only represent the number of visitors to your blog or website, but their location as well!
Taken off thier webpage
"See at a glance where your site's visitors are located: instantaneously, even when the numbers are enormous! Visitors don't need to click on anything: just viewing your page is sufficient.
One thumbnail map on your site shows it all: We provide (free) the HTML that gives you a thumbnail map, like the one on the left. When it loads, it increments a counter and shows the locations of all the visitors to your page, cumulatively (even for huge numbers). Clicking on it zooms in to a big world map, and (optionally) lets you zoom in to the continents"
*
Cool eh? Get yours today! I have mine already. Its on the toolbar to yoru right. Lemme know if you have decided to place one on urs as well! =D
*
Booking in soon =).
Next week i'm going back to bedok. Absolutely cannot wait for that day!
Alan gagged and reeled at
6:34 PM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Reading my archives....it makes me wanna blog about it
Well, apart from playing with my PSP, i've actually been reading up on my archives. Backtracking myself and reminicising on events that have happened to me either in 2005 or 2004.
Archives are a great way to help yourself relive certain eventful moments of your formative years.
By formative i do not mean your from-toddler-to-young-child-to-adolesence-to-adulthood kind of years. By Formative i mean years or events that have drastically shaped and changed your life, your outlook on it and your attitudes towards it.
It is beyond a doubt that over the past 2 years, my journey into adulthood has been rocked and severly de-stabilised by many events. Details of which i will choose not to disclose here since it will unleash me on a textual rampage.
=D
But most significantly, the break down of my union with B3 caused much tremors and uncertainty in myself. Followed by my repeated attempts to fulfill my dreams of being an Officer and of course, my less than desirable A level results which was in part, due to the after effects of the former (B3 leaving).
It is hard to fathom what my life will be now if not for these ground-breaking events that rocked my world and literally threatened to tear it apart.. Will i be better off? Will i be worst off? Will i have had the chance to meet new people or otherwise? It is hard to tell.
It is only in such situations whereby we can choose to take a back seat and perhaps speculate on the possibilities of What ifs, what mights and what thens.
What if this had happened and not that?
What might be the outcome if i had taken *insert random event here*
or
what then might be the conclusion if i had chosen *insert yet another random event*
Evidently, we can now only speculate and not theorise the outcome of our actions or events had it not happened to us. More often than not, our actions and response to certain situations is a clear reflection of our past experiences. We respond and react to things almost instinctively, more so if we have gone through them before.
*
As such, i'm often left with theisquestion to ponder about.
Am I ready to accept love back into my life?
I'm really at a fork in the road to be honest. I myself, for one,am not sure of what i really want. Is it just companionship? Someone that i can pour our my emotions and troubles to? Someone whom i can explore many new and exciting adventures of the heart with? Perhaps it is all of it, but maybe, it is only in part.
But one thing is for certain, i'm gradually opening myself up. Truth be told, GY helped alot. She unlocked that deadlock within me and slowly but surely, eased me out of my pain. By helping and advising her sometimes, i was unwittingly, helping myself make better sense of my own situation as well (rather symbiotic i might add). Yes, i did experience some form of feelings (yet again) for her, but i guess deep down, i myself knew that it wasn't possible. Not that i'm being sour grapes or what. but its true. I myself knew where my boundaries laid and i myself knew the restrictions that would pose a potential problem not only to me, but my parents as well. Details of course which, i will choose not to disclose.
But simply put, it was that almost one year of contact with her that primed me for renewed strength and confidence in the 4 lettered word that is love. For that i really thank her.
*
Bking in to camp later. Platoon Tactics test tmr as well. Sianzz...then its back to Bedok babay! Cannot wait!
*
Ahh..reading the archives helped me better understand who i was then, and how i've become. Thank you archives..
I love you long time hahahaha
Good Day everyone. =)
Alan gagged and reeled at
5:29 AM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Woot! the PSP is Superox!
As what Ihsan told me, the PSP is more than just a gaming device. Its a Lifestyle device and the potential for the vast use of the PSP is beyond comprehension! As of now, u can game with it, surf with it, MSN with it even control remote devices like TVs etc with it!
The possibilities are just endless!
Since the tiem i bought my PSP till now, i've been experimenting with it and boy am i so excited by it! Its just too good a device to have! Its a must have for all techno geeks! =D
Some pictures i took of my PSP while browsing the net with it. =D To prove that i've been able to blog and surf on my PSP. =D I've included screenshots of some of my favourite programs as well!
*
My PSP in the Red Silicone Jacket my brother bought for me. It looks like a Ferrari now eh?
Google!!!
Channelnewsasia.com a website that i frequent. Just look at the images! It as close to the real webpage as it can get! Superox!
And of course, my Blog!
Log in page to www.blogger.com for some reason i could not log in....=)
The typepad that is usd to type in sentences and words etc. =D PSP users will be familiar with it.
My Yahoo online photo album....=D
*
Hahaha, its kinda fun..being able to surf with my PSP, but the down side is that since my browser is really just a rip from a game, it isn't a full fledged browser. Thus it lacks certain capabilities. =D
*
OWNED!!
Yeap, u're seeing it right, my PSP is "version" 7.5. It is actually a v1.5 by nature but i "tricked" it to think that it is a v7.5 so that i will not accidentally upgrade it (upgrading ur PSP is a big no-no if Homebrews is wat you want). =D
Man i LURVE my PSP!!
It Rox!!
Alan gagged and reeled at
11:36 PM
1 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
OWNED!!!
Alan gagged and reeled at
9:14 PM
1 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Ditto again for today....spent the entire day sleeping. Hahaha.
Here is a rough break down of my day.
0800 : initial waking up timing
0800-1000 : Surfin the net and trickin out my PSP
1000-1300 : Ate lunch and surfed summore.
1300-1500 : Slept
1500-1530 : Woke up briefly to watch a lil TV
1530-1845 : Slept again..
1845-now : Blogging about my sad miserable, boring life.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Ditto...
Alan gagged and reeled at
7:16 PM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Came across some very funny pictures on the net, and since i'm quite bored with nothing to do, i just wanna share it with you all.
=D
*
I also do not know whats a hell's going on..
Blondes....
Someone pass him Zippo! and Quick!
Read in between the lines
*Wink* >_<
Hahah, simple yet funny..
Heiny, lol 'enuff said!
True? False? Or just full of _ _ _ _? lol
Alan gagged and reeled at
12:42 PM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
I think i'm gonna change my blog layout very very soon. Just lazy to do so now
Hmm....
pondering.......contemplating....deliberating.......deciding.....procrastinating.....
Will hold it off for now...at least for the next few months.
No mood.
>_<
Alan gagged and reeled at
3:49 AM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Well well well, its back to the old computer all over again. Blogging on the PSP is kinda limited..there is only so much that i can type before my PSP AND my fingers break down (cramps actually). Yeap, so its back to total non-inhibition that is bestowed upon me by the computer! Haha.
*
Just came back from my Brother's new hostel room at Prince George's Park Residence at NUS. I must say, it is totally fantabulous! But on the outside, it looks fab, but really, once you go in, the place is kinda dull, drab and literally kinda run-down. Haha. The walls are stained black....paint peeling etc. The rooms are kinda quaint....and small...not to the mention the desk and the bed as well. All kinda miniscule. Lol.
*
It got me thinking, what is it about Hall life or campus life that makes students so eagerly anticipate for it? True, the anticipation to be able to stay in a hostel or a hall for that matter, excites many a Pre-U student. The prospect of independence, both financially and morally (to a certain extent) conjures up numerous thoughts of late-night partyings, sleep overs, potlucks, etc. But really, what is it about Hall/Hostel life that makes it such a must have when one is in Uni?
Independence? Free from the constrictions of parents? Ability to socialise openly and without much red-tape drawn? Or is it simply the chance for one to truly experience being totally and fully responsible for one's own living, study, finance and social circle as well? Which of course, encompasses the above mentioned factors!
So it boils down to this - Freedom. At the end of the day, one being able to be fully accountable for one's own living and everyting that revolves around the day to day functioning of our own lives, gives us that inexplicable sense of...hmm...victory? Haha, that we have finally set ourselves free and power-ed up the social ladder, a step closer to full fledged adulthood.
It is without doubt that we may still require the services, care, concern and support our parents give to us from time to time, but ultimately, having thrusted themselves into near total seperation from the household, gives one immense personal, moral, financial and academia power and of course accountability. Elements that before which, will have been hard to come by, if not for the fact that from young you either
1) Live on your own already
2) Your parents give u that freedom from young
3) Lead a very "outward bound" lifestyle
or
4) Simply, you defied and chose the Vegabond way of life.
Simply put : Hall life = being responsible = making the right decisions = upholding certain values and morals = DISCIPLINE.
DISCIPLINE. The fundamental basis of trust that gives parents the onus to set thier child free to wander, study, socialise and of course, experience hostel, communal and cross-gender living, whereby gender, racial, ethnic and social lines are blurred to a bare minimum.
Suffice to say, Hostel living will be a pre-cursor to the real world outside that is fast becoming cosmopolitian, whereby one region is no longer defined by its race, religion or ethniticity but rather, by its diversity and amalgation of different societies.
*
As for me, i'm really really eagerly anticipation being able to stay in a hall once i enter NTU. As what my course mate, Dennis (who is a NSmen and a very successful RF engineer...also from NTU) said
"Hall life is what makes university life so vibrant and interesting. By all means, you must experience Hall lfie at least once in your life..."
I treausre that total independence and freedom to do what i want, go where i want and socialise as much as i want. All these while we're constriction by the system to stay within our own circle of like-minded, like-skilled people. Its kinda boring don't you think?
Already i have two friends of mine who can be my Hostel mate anytime...haha, just need to ask them only. Both take the same course as me and both are my good friends. Hahaha.
I really cannot wait to stay in a hall. I want to experience it for myself, the vibrancy, the colours, the fun and the adventures that hall life has to offer.
And of course, the acquaintances as well *wink* ;)
*
Can't wait!!!
Hahaha.
Alan gagged and reeled at
12:45 AM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
What an experience, going for field camp as an instructor rather than a recruit. Thinking back it was only more than a year ago that i had my first taste of life living out in the field. The daily camo-ons, the daily applications of the insect repellent, eating from the combat rations etc. Looking at the recruits makes me think back on how much i have grown int he army, from being a total blur-flip chao recruits to that of a commander than has that little something extra to share with them, i feel that i have indeed learned alot in the past 1 year.
endurance rather than experience. True, for many of time it thier first time living and roughing it out in the fields, but for us, we take a different appraoch. We still try to let them learn as much as possible. In fact we teach them more than what is required. But the fact that they will go straight into the Guards formation after thier BMT means that they must have the endurance, tenacity and spirit of a Guardsman. Compared to the normal Infantry BMT, they are put through a bigger challenge. For example, BMTC recruits will never dig their shellscrapes a night, but my recruits had to dig theirs through the night (it makes more sense as we often dig only at night). I would say this field camp has been a very tough and challenging one for them. 
It was only more than a year ago that i came to Tekong for field camp as a recruit, now i'm an instructor, teaching my own men the life of a soldier outfield.
The recruits having a lesson outfield.
Some of my Platoon men.
The campsite : Permatang Seaview Hotel.
Nice view of the sunbeams. This effect was because we popped a smoke grenade for demonstration.
Me giving a demonstration on Group Battle Tactics.
Two of my recruits : Rec Farihin and Rec Rohaizad
The wonderful Tekong Sea View.
Contacted!
The army makes leaders out of men.
Ditto...
Nice view eh?
The shellscrape i dug for demonstration purposes. I like this pic very much. =D
The first of many shellscrapes that they are gonna dig.
Covering it up, only to dig again.
The long march back to the tekong ferry terminal
Passed by the old SISPEC. The Spec tower.
More than a year ago, i slept on this bed as a recruit. Cannot believe that it is still the way i remember it to be. I miss my recruit days. Hahaha
