I've been doing alot of thinking....

Honestly speaking, i hate my life right now. Not because of academic stress or whatsoever, it is just that you come to a point in time of your little insignificant life that you really stop and ponder over what you have achieved in life. In all honesty, i really do not want to receive what i'm getting now. I want to be normal back again, i feel redundant as i am now for sure. What is the point of being a bench warmer and only smile, not because i want to, but because i have to to maintain all forms of normality to thier lives.

It is always about them basically. I sacrifice my time, efforts and sweat for them. I even take the fall when things go awry, just so that they need not worry about unnecessary things. But things seem to have taken a change these past few weeks. I no longer have the inspiration to continue what i'm doing now, i'm just living life as it is, living it by the minute. Perhaps i should just view it from the sidelines and enjoy the sceneary and not be bogged down by how it turns out to be But it is within my constituition that i'm not supposed to do so.

Nobody seems to care, or even bother about what is vexing me. Even if they do, i wouldn't reveal it to them. Because i feel, they do not understand me well enoung to understand my frame of mind or thought at that point in time. All that they will do is just to lend an open ear which will listen,, sympathise, but not help. I still feel that keeping it within myself and not openly bitching it to others is still the best way. They remain happy and not attached to my problems (that is if they decide to), while i still live my life as it is.

I do not feel the compelling force that will drive me towards what i struck out for. I seem to have lost my connections with them, and i have no right over them for i do commit deplorable actions at times.

Hell, i just want to get my As over and done with quickly and go off to Tekong, a place where i know i'll definitely enjoy myself in the company of real men.

People can be so cynical and fake at times, even the 'closest' of friends o it to you, what makes me think, my other friends won't? I do have emotions too, eventhough i may seem distant and unaffected by what is going on around me, i still am. I never cared about the 9 points or even considered it, so stop using it against me. I am even willing to forgo it. It was never and never will be part of my aspirations to join them.

Alan gagged and reeled at 1:40 AM
  0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..


Okay, i've added a few nifty extras here and therre and have decided to clean up my blog abit. Actually i'm getting sick of seeing this orangy mess of a blog everytime, and hence, i feel like changing template...but a few things are holding me back


1) Time constraints
2) i do not want to break my back and frustrate myself
3) no time
4) no time
5) no time
6) no creative spurts are conjuring in my mind yet.
7) lazy to find for a new template and alter it.
8) i've just given my blog a face-lift

urgh, what ever the case is, i've tidied up and trimmed away the excess bits to my blog that was making it a total laggy blob of manure.

Chinese new year can only be described with a word - BAD

Not much money coming through this year, the most i got was a 50 Yusoff Ishak. The rest were 2 and 5 Yusoff Ishaks. Yea, btw, "Yusoff Ishaks" denote notes. It was a lingo Reynn and myself adopted. And guess what, coins are called Bling Blings. lol.

Neways, my cough has been bugging me for a week and a half already and its nefarious head doesn't seem intent on leaving me anytime soon, eventhough i do drink a mucky cough syrup that is as bad as it looks. This cough is literally tearing up my respiratory tract, i can just feel it. I suspect that i might just blow off my lungs one of these days. Lol.


PS : I cannot wait for you to return from Malaysia....missing and thinking of you every night. =)


Alan gagged and reeled at 3:32 AM
  0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
Minor updates to happen soon

By now most of you must be wondering. Why the hell is my Blog still in the Christmassy mood?



Alan gagged and reeled at 11:03 AM
  0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
I have absolutely no inspiration to blog. HELP!!!

Alan gagged and reeled at 5:51 PM
  0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..