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Reading my archives....it makes me wanna blog about it
Well, apart from playing with my PSP, i've actually been reading up on my archives. Backtracking myself and reminicising on events that have happened to me either in 2005 or 2004.
Archives are a great way to help yourself relive certain eventful moments of your formative years.
By formative i do not mean your from-toddler-to-young-child-to-adolesence-to-adulthood kind of years. By Formative i mean years or events that have drastically shaped and changed your life, your outlook on it and your attitudes towards it.
It is beyond a doubt that over the past 2 years, my journey into adulthood has been rocked and severly de-stabilised by many events. Details of which i will choose not to disclose here since it will unleash me on a textual rampage.
=D
But most significantly, the break down of my union with B3 caused much tremors and uncertainty in myself. Followed by my repeated attempts to fulfill my dreams of being an Officer and of course, my less than desirable A level results which was in part, due to the after effects of the former (B3 leaving).
It is hard to fathom what my life will be now if not for these ground-breaking events that rocked my world and literally threatened to tear it apart.. Will i be better off? Will i be worst off? Will i have had the chance to meet new people or otherwise? It is hard to tell.
It is only in such situations whereby we can choose to take a back seat and perhaps speculate on the possibilities of What ifs, what mights and what thens.
What if this had happened and not that?
What might be the outcome if i had taken *insert random event here*
or
what then might be the conclusion if i had chosen *insert yet another random event*
Evidently, we can now only speculate and not theorise the outcome of our actions or events had it not happened to us. More often than not, our actions and response to certain situations is a clear reflection of our past experiences. We respond and react to things almost instinctively, more so if we have gone through them before.
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As such, i'm often left with theisquestion to ponder about.
Am I ready to accept love back into my life?
I'm really at a fork in the road to be honest. I myself, for one,am not sure of what i really want. Is it just companionship? Someone that i can pour our my emotions and troubles to? Someone whom i can explore many new and exciting adventures of the heart with? Perhaps it is all of it, but maybe, it is only in part.
But one thing is for certain, i'm gradually opening myself up. Truth be told, GY helped alot. She unlocked that deadlock within me and slowly but surely, eased me out of my pain. By helping and advising her sometimes, i was unwittingly, helping myself make better sense of my own situation as well (rather symbiotic i might add). Yes, i did experience some form of feelings (yet again) for her, but i guess deep down, i myself knew that it wasn't possible. Not that i'm being sour grapes or what. but its true. I myself knew where my boundaries laid and i myself knew the restrictions that would pose a potential problem not only to me, but my parents as well. Details of course which, i will choose not to disclose.
But simply put, it was that almost one year of contact with her that primed me for renewed strength and confidence in the 4 lettered word that is love. For that i really thank her.
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Bking in to camp later. Platoon Tactics test tmr as well. Sianzz...then its back to Bedok babay! Cannot wait!
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Ahh..reading the archives helped me better understand who i was then, and how i've become. Thank you archives..
I love you long time hahahaha
Good Day everyone. =)
Alan gagged and reeled at
5:29 AM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
