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Christmassy moody mood....
Walking down orchard road alone, taking in the sights and sounds of the oncoming Christmas season, i'm transported back to a year ago when i found myself in exactly the same position i was just now - walking down the same stretch of pavement alone. haha.
Its funny, how life tends to tease you with little idiosyncracies that only makes you remember how dumb and stupid one was a year before, and how much one has grown. Then i was still smarting from a broken heart, it could not have been must worse as just now, when i took that long lonely stretch down towards Wisma Atria again.
A year on, the sights have changed, Wisma is now a bustling hub of activity, the lights, blinding and the sounds, deafening. But the silent echoes in my heart tends to overpower me with a deep sense of longing and regret.
*
This post, taken off my archives proves my point of how my year has been a rather interesting reflection of last year
"As i wandered aimlessly down the brightly litted lanes of
Orchard road, memories of past years beckon me into a somber mood.
Of how we used to hold eachother's hand and admired the bright lights,
held eachother close as we strolled along in the cool Christmas night....
.
.
.
.
.
......The bright lights may shine down upon my wasted heart, but it does not help
in brightening my mood.
The sights and sounds may resonate in my ears,
but it cannot fill the empty void you left behind.
The warm, glowing Yuletide spirit that radiates from everyone,
does not help to warm the coldness of my heart......"
- 23rd December 2004
*
Haha, interesting...it speaks what i wish to say, i feel the emptiness inside of me, it just eats me inside out. Everywhere i turn, i see happy couples enjoying eachother's embrace and company, all i want for christmas this year,....aren't present that are tangible ( though a PSP will be nice....yea..haha) but rather, to be in the company of the person that i love, just to have fun, walk down the brightly litted pavements, take in the sounds, enjoy the breeze, the cool night Christmas air, perhaps with an ice-cream in hand, relish in the act of enjoy what is bliss together.
To be able to snuggle up close and warm with the one i love, is something that has eluded me for quite a while now, what with the army keeping me busy 99% of the time and well, just being suay not to be able to find one. To commit now, i know, is a foolish act as i know time will not be on my side, especially more so as i intend to sign on in the army next year, it will be much worse, but, i do pray for miracles to happen.
As i was sitting inside Cine watching the big screen braodcasting the trailers, i just kept praying that i'll meet someone i know, who will relieve me, even for that brief moment, of that maiming solitude that surrounds me. Funny, while sitting there, time passed so slowly, it was almost surreal how everything seemed to slow down.
But alas, i was not as lucky, didn't see anybody i know, and so there i was, chin in my palms, elbows resting on the big table and feet swinging in the air, just enjoying the trailers as best as i could in a futile attempt to forget my solitude.
What struck me more was when i left cine, to see the beautiful streamer lights hang from the trees, the gigantic Christmas trees and the constant playing of Christmas songs, all served to bring back memories for me.
"Dear, do you want to go see the lights with me next week?"
"Ok! Lets go...want to watch a movie as well?"
An example of how we would use to talk...it was really beautiful, as in, the feeling of it all, to enjoy what is most precious to you - time, with the one you love and to enjoy it in the best way possible.
So to all my friends who are attached right now, take this chance and savour every single moment you can with your significant other, for when he/she is gone, you'll never know when you'll ever have the chance to experience it again.
Looks like this Christmas is gonna be another lonesome day by my small christmas tree. =)
Haha.
Oh well, take care everyone...
Alan gagged and reeled at
12:15 AM
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..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
