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Hmmm, sorry about the lack of updates
Been feeling rather Un-bloggish lately.
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I am hesitant about blogging about Grad Day simply because
the memories of it are right here in my heart.
So if i am to blog about it, i risk opening up a sealed chamber,
lest it gets trivalised, i will not blog about it
for the time being.
*
i need time to collate my thoughts and pics as well right?
Hah
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Something struck me today, in fact it has been a few days now.
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I have finally removed her haunting presence in my life.
no longer do i feel upset or hesitant when she is online.
I feel normal.
I feel Alan, i feel alright.
Hmm, and i thought i might never be able to forget her.
To me now, she is just like a spent memory,
something like your secondary school or primary school memories
are to us.
Special, but it no longer affects us as much,
heck, we don't even think about it at all.
This is precisely how i feel now.
You can say its nonchalance, ignorance or simply,
A cannot be bothered attitude.
Whichever you choose, it holds true.
To a certain degree.
*
I do not deny that i still miss her,
but to me, she just a vague memory,
a remnant of a painful past, a blurred image that i'm erasing,
corner by corner.
*
I am not going to kid myself or paint a rosey picture of what has happened,
i'm not going to fake acceptance, and use happy words to mask my pain.
I'm SICK of those, they make me feel cheap and without any integrity
What you see now is what you get.
I'm sick of having to say
"I'm happy for you...blah blah blah......hope you have a fine day"
in a feigned happy tone
F**K
i don't even care about that anymore.
I want to be myself, i do not want to hide and pretend its ok,
it never was in the first place,
but as of now, its different,
i have accepted it and am feeling good for it.
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Shucks, i need to stop, the more i think about it, the more angry i get.
Of how this whole period screwed up my life badly, made my grades suffer
compromised my work ethics and jeopardised my future.
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Anyways, my A's unofficially starts tomorrow with
Bio Pract.
Been studying quite hard for it, hope it pays of.
*
To you, i hope you fail your exams and feel the kind of
shit you put me through.
I got F F F for mid yrs because of YOU
I am not going to show a happy face in front of you.
You will never receive anymore good luck msges or "wish you well"
kind of shit.
Never!
You never appreciated them and you never treasured those.
So why do i even fucking care.
You can cry all yuou want, i am
never going to lend you my shoulder to cry on anymore
You can feel scared and cold...freezing even,
but i am never going to give you a warm embrace as well, go to your "FRIENDS"!
You drove me to say this,
but
I wish that one day, you will find yourself
LONELY
FRIENDLESS
AND
WITH NO ONE TO LOVE YOU OR CHERISH YOU LIKE HOW I DID.
I hate you and i mean it you !@$#%*&#@$
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'nuff said.
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Other than that, it has been a swell day.
Gonna go Cali for combat tomorrow morning before my pract.
Alan gagged and reeled at
2:34 AM
0 people shizzled my nizzle
..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
