I'm gonna make a pledge.

A pledge to remain single till i'm able to provide fully for the person i love.

I will not risk my future for emotions.

Love completes the picture only after you have drawn it. It does not draw it for you.

I do not want to feel any heartbreak while i'm in a jungle in Brunei or Tekong,

With my rifle in sling and mind on the duty,

I do not want to be distracted by any thoughts except for my task at hand.

I am going to ace my exams, i will get into OCS.

Get millitary scholarships like my brother and make it big overseas.

I will be a good officer, a good soldier, a good citizen.

And a good boyfriend/father if i have the chance to.

*

You may think this is too far-fetched, too unlikely,

but if my brother could do it, so can i.

My heart tells me to push on, but increasingly, my mind is admonishing me to let go.

I am not as frail as i think myself to be. I'm strong, i'm capable.

I can pull myself out of this trench i've dug for myself.

But even so, this does not mean that i have turned into a cold block of stone.

I still desire to be able to provide someone with love, care and concern.

But pragmatism and rationality takes precedence over my heart.

Its cruel for me to do this to myself and i know that,

but it will be even more cruel if if i have to subject myself to emotional turmoil again.

*

On a lighter note, had dad's oily fried bee hoon.

Erbs, stomach feels even more queer now.

Ok, gotta rush off to do my Bio essays, if not Mr. Goh is gonna kill me tomorrow.





Ciaoz guys.


A
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*

P
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Signing off