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Saturdays remind me of the time we used to spend together, having lunch or just watching a Movie. Times when we wouldn't care what time or how late we'll reach home, all that mattered was the time spent together. Our first lunch together at The Black Tea Box fell on a saturday. A time i'll never forget. We both ordered the same dish, Tom Yum noodles, and we sat at a special table where our feets were under the seats. That time, you were wearing the denim blue skirt and your hair was tied back. You looked gorgeous and on that day i told myself "I'm going to love you no matter what it takes.". It wasn't even the 13th of Feb yet, and at that point in time, i fell in love with you.
You made me feel special, feel loved. I loved your company, and wanted to see you much more than every weekend. We were having CNY rehearsals on the weekend then and after every rehearsal, we will go out. We went out every saturday prior to the 13th and those were the times i really felt deeply attracted and loved by you.
I loved the words that you told me, your compliments. I adored the way you touched me, felt me. I relished in your gifts, your cards. Even till this day, i still keep them, treasure them and take them out once in a while to read them.
16th of Feb, your birthday, we went to the Science center, the Grossology exhibtion. To tell you the truth, i wasn't really paying any attention to the exhibits - only you. The day we had out first hug, it felt so special in an equally special place as well, over at Snow City. Later, we watched Beauty and the beast. Even though it cost $15 dollars per ticket, we still watched it anyways, because it was a unique and also, romantic to do so. That was when we first kissed on the lips. It felt so magical and i missed the feeling to having that first kiss with you. When i felt cold, you immediately placed my hands on your lap, giving me your body warmth to keep me warm. I felt special to you loved by all means....We mingled around the outdoor exhibits and later had a small lunch at MacDonalds beside the rubbish dump. That was when you handed me your first present - Alarice and the Frank Sinatra CD. I still listen to that Cd and it still reminds me of you.
But alas, you had to leave as you had earlier planned to meet Hui Xing, Jun Yun and Pei Lian. But nonethless, we still took the north bound train towards Somerset, where we had an early dinner at Sakae Sushi. Then we parted. I was sad, but felt that since it was your Birthday, i didn't want to spoil your day.
Back then, we'll always talk on the phone, at least i knew i had something to look forward to at night before i sleep. It was never an issue of who was busy or whatsoever. Either way, we always made time to call and chit-chat, even if for an hour, i was contented and happy. Remember our longest conversation? i still do, from 11pm till 6am, we talked and talked as if there were no tomorrow. You were shocked when i told you i had to go school at 7am. But then, it didn't matter to me at all, because in me, i will rather sacrifice sleep than to miss an opprtuniy to talk with you. Do you also remember the time when i called you faking to say that i wanted to call my brother instead since both "Beatrice" and "Brother" had similiar first letters? My intentions were to actually call and talk with you. I only used my brother as a cover up because i was embaressed.
Back in secondary school, i could see you everyday and to a certain degree, i took it for granted, only after entering JC do i really realise how painful it is not being able to see you everyday. Whenever school ended, the first thing that never failed to pop into my mind was to go to the Prefect's room and see you. I didn't care if i had to meet someone, i only wanted to see you and talk with you. The times spent in the PB room with you made up a few of the most memorable times i've spent with you. Eventhough we both knew it was wrong to do so, we still slept together on the couch. I enjoyed your massages as much as you enjoyed mine. A day never passed withou kissing you or hugging you.
Aftyer entering JC, life took a drastic turn. It felt even more painful to be apart. I had to bear with it. At least then, we still made time for eachother, and tenaciously held on to eachother.
Dearest, whenever these thoughts came into my mind, i realise how much we've gone through together. EVenthough it is only 2 years and by no means long, the events, the pain, the happiness and at times, anger that we go through together are so vast that this e-mail alone cannot fill. I never meant to hurt you or make you sad. And i know you never meant to hurt me. But whenever i look back, i feel that our love has been grossly neglected and for it, i feel guilty. I realise that we're now both busy people and cannot spend much time together. But still, for the sake of our love, we must by all means, try to go out as often, or ven talk on the phne, no matter how busy we may seem. I stay silent at most times nowadays because i have alot of things in me to say to you, but i just cannot let it out. I felt that you wouldn't understand me anymore how i felt or thought.
I wanted to scream out loud.
Contrary to popular belief that "Distance makes the heart fonder", to a certan degree it hols true, but too much of a distance can be detrimental to the heart, it makes it disillusioned, it leaves it in denial, in isolation.
Loving you is still about when we can go out, looking forward to meeting you, talking with you or just seeing you. It never was about whether will it last.
Wen Qi dear, i know this message is long. I never intended it to be this long, but my heart wanted to just spill out my emotions. All that is said here is true from my heart.
Before i end, i just want to say these few parting words.
I still look forward to the 13th of Every month, because i know on the 13th of a partcular month in a particular year, i made a commitment to myself to love, cherish and hold dearly a special person that has made a difference in my life, and that person can be none other than YOU, my dearest wife.
I love you.
Alan gagged and reeled at
6:01 PM
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..:: Semper Paratus, Sine Mora ::..
