My dad misses my mum, so do i

Something miraculous happened today, after my little outing to ECP with Des and gang, my dad brought me to Newton circus for dinner. _{didn't eat much you see}. And then he asked me something which totally threw me off guard, he said

"Alan, do you miss mummy?"

Naturally, i felt out of place, my dad isn't that emotional sort and never asked or even seemed to want to ask such questions. I answered sheepishly, a

"yeah, i do lah." Then i teased my dad, saying

"Why? you miss mummy ah?" My dad looked at me then shifted his attention to his wallet and muttered "yah, a bit".

Its not that i'm saying my dad never missed my mum, its just that he never shows it, or even talks about it. My dad is someone whom you can call a quazi-MCP, he is all for male superiority and a staunch proponent of the old order of matrimony, in that the wife always listens to the husband, never the other way around. But i can feel his deep down sadness, he misses my mum alot, not that she provides him with love or care, but its that kind of bond a man and woman forges when they are married for long periods of time. A place i their heart that will forever be left void if the other partner isn't around. They need not show it to understand it, it is all part of going through the ages together, from when they first held a baby in their arms, till the day they see their children having kids of their own, and holding their future F1 offsprings in their arms.

An ode of sorts to my dad

My dad was in a solemn mood the entire journey home, perhaps it was work compounded with his emotions. My dad is a good man, he provides for the family, but takes all the hardships in lieu of us and suffers in silence. I feel guilty not ever understanding his position and always insisting on my pubescent wants and desires. I do try to give in to him sometimes, but it is hard, his lectures are a bitter pill to swallow, and over time, i've reached a stage that i can no longer afford myself to listen. But i know deep down, when it is all too late, that i will miss his lectures, his voice, his compassion, his scoldings, his anger......but definitely, him.

We never appreciate what we have till it is too late, i really cannot bare to live through the day when my parents will have to sleep forever, i know it will happen someday, but i just cannot bring myself to think it won't happen. I don't want it to, much like how my dad doesn't want my Ah Ma to, much like how my future kids don't want me to. "Its all part of growing up" my mum use to comfort me when i felt insecure and upset that one day, i'll never get to hear their voices again. But it is all part of growing up. Like what my mum will usually say,

"Life is like a book, there are chapters in it, every hardship or sad event is a chapter on its own, if you keep on reading and living, the chapter will end and a new, happier chapter may beckon, afterall, all stories usually end with a happy ending."

The house feels peculiarly quiet and empty without my mum with her usual kan qiong way of living, her silent compassion, her undying strength. By now, she would have ironed my uniform, ready for me to wear it to school tomorrow. But right now, it lies in a heap of clothes that i'll have to iron myself.

I miss my mum and i know my dad misses her too.

I miss you too dear, much like how my dad misses mummy too.

I really, seriously hope my mum is safe and comes home safe and sound Prays

Alan gagged and reeled at 1:37 AM
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